Why he calls me Bernice.
If you have followed us for a little bit you may have noticed that the name Bernice has surfaced a time or two. This is my Deeds proclaimed self named alter ego. Deeds started calling me Bernice a couple years ago. Bernice is my Great Grandmothers name actually. The moment I told Deeds that I was almost named Myrtle Bernice...he has made it known that I will never NOT hear that name. In this blog entry I will be sharing a few stories that have dubbed me the name Bernice. No judging. Sometimes I just do some weird things.
I will start with the infamous gas station story. The day this happened, it was super hot, sun shining….blue sky's, perfect day for a motorcycle ride. Since we ride, of COURSE we took advantage as it was a Saturday and we had no responsibilities. I will never forget leaning back while I was on the back of his bike, face up towards the sun, taking deep breaths while I felt the warmth flooding over my face, the hot wind rushing all around me, taking in the beauty of the things my senses were experiencing. The moment I lifted my head up and opened my eyes I was instantly nauseous. I’m NO stranger to motion sickness so I thought that’s maybe what was happening. As it grew quickly I told Deeds we needed to stop now. He was thinking in the next 5 minutes, I was talking right now. I hurriedly let him know this was an emergency situation. The very next building we came up on was a gas station pit stop, like where they service cars in a shop. As soon as we got stopped, my head was just spinning like I was super off balance; I was at this point soaked as my body was sweating at a faster rate then normal. We parked off to the side of the building was to be out of the way from the traffic of the shop business. I came off the bike as soon as I possibly could. Took two steps and crawled about 3 more to some shade behind a dumpster and I was like trying to stay away from anyone that could see me as I felt I was going to puke. Deeds watched over me super confused of how to even react. A lady came out to the side of the building to check on us and see what was going on offering us A/C inside, Deeds assured her that I just got over heated on the bike and was needing to rest. HOPING that’s all it was. We kept going and back forth trying to communicate what I was feeling and how I was unable to stand because I was literally so sick, sweat beads running from every crack and crevice, it's like I was unable to catch my bearings. SUPER weird. After about 20 minutes of shameful shade sitting behind the dumpster I decided I was ready to try and walk inside. I needed to cool off. I was overheated, soaked, and unable to cool down. So I made the decision to try to make it inside where the A/C was. I was able to make it to the door handle of the front door of the shop waiting room where like 9 people were sitting waiting on their cars to get worked on. As I placed my hand on the door handle, everything was going dark, I was going down, and I was melting to the floor. I made it maybe 3 steps in the door and laid out on the floor of the waiting room filled with strangers probably wondering WHAT IN THE HELL this girl is doing. I just remember apologizing to the crowd as I stated I was overheated and felt like I was going to pass out so that cold floor was the most comforting feeling in the world. Deeds doesn’t see me inside for a while, so he comes inside to see what the status is as he is still waiting for me outside with the bike. He walks in and sees me laid out in the floor. I can’t even imagine what was going through his mind at that point. I was actually laying in a trash pile the lady has swept up with her broom for the end of day clean up. No cares in the world about that in this moment. I laid there for maybe another 20 minutes and at this point the place was closing. I was still unable to walk, let alone get back on his bike. Deeds ended up having to leave me there sitting in the shade under the trees out front of the business while he rode the bike back to get my car so I could make it back home. I still don’t even know what made me feel like that. Possibly dehydrated, possibly overheated? Haha who knows! That’s Bernice!
Another Bernice story…. We went to Colorado about a year ago in November, hung out with some high school friends of mine who live there. You know…..the life changing trip to Utah and Colorado we keep referring too. I had herd people advise me of the altitude change out there as it's known as the mile high city where it’s a mile above sea level and that can actually affect you if you’re not used to that. I am not. It was our FIRST day/night there. We had arrived late morning, got a rental car, ran around Red Rocks Amphitheater, and occupied our time until our friends got off work and home. Spent so much time catching up I really hadn’t ate or drank very much that first day as the hustle and bustle AND excitement of being had me distracted. By the time we made it to dinner that night, we where worn out and hungry. We had like a 15 minute wait so I walked outside with Deeds as he went to smoke a cigarette while we were waiting for our table at the taco restaurant. As we came back in and leaned against the wall to continue to wait for our table. I took my coat off as if felt like I was getting really hot really quick. I noticed that I needed to get some cold fresh air as I started feeling really bad really quick. I managed to make it to Deeds and I put my arms around his waist and I was attempting to let him know I was going out side and that I was flushed. I was literally mid sentence, passed out, rocked forward as my arms lifelessly let go of his waist, hit my face on the glass full framed window and then fell backwards as everyone was trying to catch me. I remembered coming back surrounded with all my friends slightly alarmed, slightly laughing, and the restaurant owner outside sitting at a table with some water. Chalking it up to the altitude and not eating or drinking hardly anything that day. Colorado newbie. Haha, within 5 minutes we had the best seat in the house, had the best service, and a memory we will all laugh about. All compliments of Bernice.
I did have an episode without Deeds once too. A few years ago, I was on my first international flight to Ireland with three other friends. I must have fallen asleep with in the first hour of the flight. I woke up, trying to aggressively get out of my hoodie and I instantly knew I had too many clothes on and I woke up sweating. I took an assortment of medications to prevent this motion sickness feeling as I am VERY aware I don’t do motion sickness well. So this was not supposed to be happening. My mouth was started to water and I was telling everyone in between me and the isle to get up, get up, get up….I needed to try to make it to the bathroom as I needed to regain my bearings and possibly throw up as I was overwhelmed. I made it to the LOCKED bathroom door as I started that dreaded black out process where everything from the outsides of your vision started to cave in with darkness. The only thing I knew to do (don’t ask me why) was reach for the curtain that hides the stewardess and rip it open as I was trying to find a place to go down and sit on the floor to try and ground myself. The motion of the plane throwing my head and body off balance. I was handed a trash bag as I started to puke as they kept telling me I couldn’t be back there. I told them I didn’t have a choice they were going to have to GIVE ME A MINUTE. One of my friends trying to get to me as he was concerned that I was ok, was being held back which was also heightening the situation. After I finally sat there for about 10 minutes and got myself back together, I returned to my seat and finished out the remainder of the flight like a pro. :]
In Israel, it was HOT. When I say hot, it was pounding desert heat hot. Deeds bought me a cool wrap that when wet stays cooler to help regulate body temperature. On this particular day, I forgot my cool wrap. On this particular day I didn’t know we would be gone for as long as we were. We had noticed abandoned ruins immediately about half a mile from where we were staying. We could see it from our apartment balcony. It was super tempting and we were curious as to if we could get down in them and explore. I mean, what else are we here for!! When being outside at this particular location I had to be covered, so no shorts or tank tops, which where I thrive in the summer time. So we went out in pants, short sleeve white shirt and a shawl I had draped over my shoulders. We made it down to the site, found it was a Nature Preserve. We did our homework later and read a lot about who used to live there and what they are doing with the site now. It was downhill the entire way which was awesome. Our minds exploding with adventure and seeing all this incredible architecture, when we had realized we had been gone about 2 hours. The thought that we didn’t bring any water crept in my mind as we were heading back up the hill to make it back to my family and where we were staying. We were both soaked in sweat. I was starting to feel kind of weak but ignoring it as I was just needing to get back and then we could rest. I kept having to tell Deeds every 3-5 minutes that I needed to stop. I was heavily breathing hard, the sun was beating down all over us with no shade but a tree and a rock on the way back up this hill. I began starting to terrify Deeds as I was starting to show signs of heat exhaustion. I watched helplessly as he began getting upset that he was unable to do anything for me. The dehydration was real. I tried to get up again once I caught my breath so get up a little further, 15 steps in I was out of breath again. No go. I literally laid beside a rock to get its shade in the dirt on this road unable to move. Jewish kids and families just passing by like this is totally normal. I needed water and I was searching for any of the passer bys that had any because I was not above asking for it as I was in a really bad situation. Realization was setting in as Deeds started to get ready to make a move to leave me to go and get water but NOT wanting to leave me. I told him to go. He was so upset with the situation because there was literally nothing he could control. As he had left to find water, a couple came up the hill and knew I was in bad shape. They gave me their 1 liter bottle of water that had about 1 third left in it. I GRACIOUSLY accepted it. I was there for maybe 5 minutes by myself as Deeds ran up the hill, puking about halfway up because he was also feeling the effects of the heat as well. Not to mention the emotions were high as we were in a foreign country and I was laying in the dirt unable to move. I herd Deeds hurriedly coming back to me with a liter bottle half full he found on the side of the road. This is literally how bad this situation was. I inspected it, smelled it, and drank the hell out of it. Slowly but surly I had gained the strength to get up and get back up that embankment to make it back to our apartment. I think we ended up being gone for 4 hours and I had to swear to Deeds I wouldn’t go out again without water and my cool wrap. I did. It was also noted that Bernice made her appearance in Israel.
Ok last one. Ten days after we got hit on the back of his bike, I had to have surgery on my leg immediately after our wreck. Ten days later….the leg cast came off, it was the very FIRST time I had seen my leg as I did NOT want to see it before the surgery. I am super weird when it comes to shin accidents, bones breaking, and really gory things in real life, not on TV, I can handle it on the TV because I know it's fake. Low and behold this accident was all three of those. I did not want to see it at the heat of the moment and send myself into a panic attack, I just wanted pain meds and to not see it at all. Those were my only requirements. Even when they were cleaning it for me to make it through the night before surgery. They cleaned and washed the meat from the bone I never once looked. SO with that being said….ten days later, I was introduced to my leg. I hated it. It was super ugly and held 17 stitches, blistered and black and blue. Once we got home from that appointment I begged Deeds to make my favorite comfort food. Velveeta shells and cheese with tuna. He hates this particular comfort food of mine. He would never eat it, and certainly hated to cook it. But….never the less, he made it. After eating the biggest bowl of this smelly concoction I sat in my wheel chair in the kitchen with my leg propped up as it was a nice of change of pace being bed ridden for the past week. He had his best friend come over and visit us. When he saw me, he jumped to me straddled my leg, clicked his pocket knife out joking like he was going to cut my leg and said “Let me just pop these stitches out!” We all laughed even though it startled the fuck out of me. The tables turned pretty quick after that. I guess the thought of him cutting my stitches out made me instantly nauseous. I couldn’t shake it. I was already grossed out and then to think of my stitches coming out really just added the icing on the cake. I couldn’t help it. Mid conversation I projectile vomit shells and tuna all over the kitchen, all over myself, Deeds is shielding my leg from the puke waiting for me to stop after about 3 miserable minutes. I’m dripping sweat at this point. Deeds wheels me into the bathroom after it’s over to remove me from the situation. I can see it all over this face. He is NOT happy but can’t say anything to me because I clearly CAN’T help it. I’m just crying and apologizing from the bathroom as I drip water from the bathroom sink all over my overheated body and face trying to cool off and calm down as he is in the kitchen cleaning up the dreaded shells and cheese he never once wanted to even cook to start with. Oh Bernice, she’s really been a character.
With these just being a few of the highlighted occurrences we won’t soon forget. There have been countless falls, trips, plane pukings, slips, and what the fucks. I am grateful Deeds makes light of my shortcomings. -Bernice